Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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