I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
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You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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