so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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