This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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