there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
