I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
