we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
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She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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