Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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