I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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