so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize