my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize