It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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