Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
