I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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