Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities