btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm