No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho