is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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