things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize