Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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