I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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