Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm both gender and math confused
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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