I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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