i don't like sucking hair
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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