Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
