Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
