I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
