If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
