Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
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its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.