a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.