I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
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You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house