I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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