i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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