The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
