did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize