My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize