I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
