Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
