I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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