peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
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okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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