I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer