New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.