K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim