I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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