I'm so fucking centered right now
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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