I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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