He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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