he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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