Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you had me at cake vodka
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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