Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
only you would photoshop your dick
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.