can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.