mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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