Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.