omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma