In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.