I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death