i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i think i just lost a toe
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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