and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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