If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize