Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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